he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
