So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
