Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
