Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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