im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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