Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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