you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
im six kinds of drunk right now
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
