Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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