I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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