Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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