WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
