I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
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