what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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