you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
