The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
