she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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