She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
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Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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