I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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