The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
