dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
