If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
is that a dick in a sweater?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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