Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
