so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
