Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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