I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
