toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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