I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
