I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
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