my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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