You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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