i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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