Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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