Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
