Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
