I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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