Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
