I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
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Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
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Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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