some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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