I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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