yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
