Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
