how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
