I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
