I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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