evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
