I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
