there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
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You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
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i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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