Porn is love you can see.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
