this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
