No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
