I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize