I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
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