I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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