what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
