just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
one two three fourrrrnication!
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
