she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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