No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
