I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize