there was a trapeze. enough said
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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