After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
