Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
