Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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