and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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