On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Found the puke drawer
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize