even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
