he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
