Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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