i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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