We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
