you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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