I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize