so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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