Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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