i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
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