Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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