You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
