Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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