This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
