Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
